The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Brain

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love brings immense significance and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).

B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely close to see it here and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, nearness, and love .

When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in urbane locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't Read Full Report going to be excellent?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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